seven months

Happy SEVEN months boo boo!

You know, we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day.  We've absolutely refused to give in to the commercialism of this wretched holiday!  I don't hate on people that do, but it's just not for us.  Well, up until last year, we didn't really care for this day.  Last year's Valentine's Day was the day that we found out officially that we were having a boy.  It was the best gift I've ever received on Valentine's Day.  This year, my baby is seven months on Valentine's Day.

He's getting so big, so fast.  Every parent says this, I know.  But it really does feel like it.  Time does fly.

Valentine's Day is, now and forevermore, going to belong to Evan ©

it's been a while!

I don't even know where the time has gone.  We're already 1/12 of the way done with 2013 & it's apparently been a month since my last post!  So much has happened.

Evan turned 6 months & is now well on his way to turning 7 months.  Well, duh, it's been a month since my last post.  I just can't believe how fast the time has flown by.  He's battling his 3rd cold (ever!) right now & this one isn't as bad as the last one.  I don't like seeing him sick but what can I do?  He's gonna get sick.  He's sitting up pretty well on his own.  He just can't get too distracted otherwise he topples over.

couple of hours old

new year's day 2013

I got a new job!  This is my last week before I head over to the new one on Monday, Feb 11.  It works out because Chinese New Year is Feb 10 & new job starts the next day.  Talk about new beginnings in the new year.  

My husband started working nights the beginning of January.  We thought it was going to be ok but to be honest, it kind of really sucks.  It's been a month of him working nights and things are just a lot different from what we had imagined them to be.  Some things have worked out but overall, it's crap.  There's probably no way to go back to him working days so we're going to have to deal with it.  Doesn't mean I like it.  Just means that I have to suck it up because I can't do a damn thing about it.

I've decided to put a bookcase in a wall.  I'm planning this out with a contractor friend of mine.  He says that it's going to probably come in at less than $1000.  I hope he's right.  Right now, we're still in the brainstorming stage of things.  He's decided that it can be done because there isn't any crucial electrical behind the wall and whatever electrical that is there can be moved.  More updates on that as we get further into it.  I'm very excited :) :) :)

I know there's probably more things but nothing else particularly sticks out in my mind right now.  The only thing that's sticking out in my mind is: how fast time flies.  

words simply can't express ..

On my BabyCenter birth board, there is a family (whose strength is phenomenal) and a beautiful baby boy, named Logan, battling with SMA (spinal muscular atrophy).  Their story will move you and make you thankful for all the people that are still able to be in your life.  They remind me that each and every day I get to spend with my baby and loved ones is an absolute gift from God because at any moment, anyone can be taken away from you.

I actually think about their baby boy, Logan, a lot.  He is so beautiful.  It breaks my heart that they have to go through this and that there is no cure for him.  Lately, I've found myself to be more cautious with my words so I don't inadvertently hurt someone's feelings.  I've found myself trying to see things through other people's eyes.  In general, I have been just a little bit more compassionate.  Thank you to the Ruth family for putting strength back in my heart once again.  They inspire me to be a better person.  With their strength, they can inspire anyone with a soul to be a better person.

Go on over there and show them some love and support please: loganruth.wordpress.com

happy new year!

Happy New Year!  I can't believe that it's already 2013.  But then again, I guess I say this every new year.  As I get older, the days and months and years seem to all mesh together.  It's already going to be 4 years since we moved up here from LA.  I kept thinking when we moved up here that it was going to be a temporary fix.  I was so wrong.  In the years since, we've bought a house, three vehicles, and welcomed into our lives a beautiful baby boy.  As far removed from the city as we are, I'm finally able to make my peace with where we live and life is perfect.

As with every coming of the new year, I reflect on the past year and 2012 has been good to me overall.  It has definitely been the year of the greatest change and the greatest sacrifice.  With the birth of Evan, I've realized that there is so much more to life.  Honestly, I was pretty selfish and materialistic.  I couldn't even fathom having children because I wasn't ready to give it all up.  The moment I heard his first cry when he was born, I cried and that's when my life truly began.  He's taught me so much in these past 5 1/2 months that the past 27 years couldn't even teach me.  Patience, love, kindness, compassion -- we can attribute these new found qualities of myself to my baby boy.

He's pretty wonderful & I just know it's going to get better from.

Here's to a fabulous 2013.  Cheers!

the best christmas .. so far.

Yes, I do realize that today is the day after Christmas but I am still blessed and thankful.  Still feeling a bit of the holiday spirit, I might say.  Tired of hearing Christmas music but still feeling the spirit nonetheless.  Growing up, my family never really celebrated Christmas.  My family was also not of the Christian religion(s).  My dad tried to assimilate by buying my brothers, cousins & I Christmas gifts each year.  Yes, we were grateful but to be absolutely honest, Christmas to us meant presents.  Unfortunately, that's not really what Christmas is about.

A couple years ago, I started cooking Christmas Eve dinner.  & this year, I decided that I'm going to keep it up & we're going to make a tradition out it.  We had dinner Christmas Eve & just hung out all day Christmas.  It was a fabulous Christmas.  The best.  & I received a pretty darn good gift!

Evan learned how to roll over from his tummy to his back!  I'm so proud of my baby boy!  & let me tell you, he was proud of himself.  After he had rolled over, he just laid there and laughed :) :) :)

So last night, after he realized that he can save himself after he rolls over onto his tummy, he wouldn't go to sleep & just rolled around in his pack & play for an hour.  He would not go to sleep & just wanted to play.  So we played for a little bit.  It was great.  Ohh, the joys of parenthood.

This was the best Christmas ever.

So far ..

letters to evan: #1

Dear Evan,

Happy 5 months, sweetheart!  And it's been an absolutely wonderful 5 months for your daddy and I.  We survived our first week at daycare and mommy's first week back at work.  It wasn't easy for me.  Monday dragged on for me and I just couldn't wait to get off work to see you and cuddle with you.  Each day afterward was a little better.  Not easy, but better.  But I think that we're going to be ok.  I know you're going to have to grow up sooner or later and leave me.  If not now, then a few years from now when you start school.  I might as well get used to it, huh?

Each day that passes that am able to hold you and kiss you is a day that I feel like the luckiest person in the world.  Despite the tragedies that happened on Friday, I am still optimistic that you will grow up in a world that is good and just.  We only want the best for you and you had better believe we will do whatever necessary to keep you safe.

Thank you for being my son.  Thank you for shedding light in my life.  You are the absolute best thing to have ever happened to me.  I love you, always & forever.

Love always,
Mommy ©

i survived!

I survived my first day back at work & away from my baby!  Let me tell you though, it was NOT an easy feat.  We got to his sitter's house bright & early at 7:30 this morning.  I unloaded his necessities and lingered for a bit to say goodbye to Evan and to tell him to be a good boy for Miss Olivia.  He was all smiles when I left.  I wanted to cry.

But I held it together.

Then I went to see him on my lunch.  Poor baby was cranky and tired because he didn't want to take a nap. I understand though.  New environment, mommy's not there.  So he was a little fussy when I got there.  He let out a little cry and I just felt my heart breaking a little bit.  I wanted to start crying with him.

But I held it together.

When I left him again, he seemed ok.  Tired, but ok.  I finished off the rest of my workday, which in comparison, hardly even registered in my head because all I could think about was my baby.  I came home and first thing I did was pick him up and cuddle.  He "told" me all about his day.  We played airplane.  I bounced him.  He laughed.

I missed him so much.  He survived our first day apart & I did too & through it all, I held it together.

separation anxiety

I'm experiencing some separation anxiety right now.  Irony is that we're not even .. separated.  Evan's in the next room right now taking his nap and he has no idea what Mommy is going through at the moment.  We have two full days before I have to go back to work on Monday.  I keep thinking about Monday and how much I'm going to miss my baby boy and how I'm going to wonder about how he's doing and if he's giving his babysitter a hard time and if he's taking his naps like he's supposed to and if he's getting enough attention from the babysitter and if he's crying.  I can go on and on but I think you get my point.

I have never been away from my baby for more than a few hours.

I think the most was three hours one time when I went to the dentist to get a deep clean.  I came home with a numb mouth to a crying baby because he was hungry and didn't want to take the bottle.

I felt so bad.

I'm probably going to visit him every day during my lunch to see if he's OK.  I have a feeling I'm going to miss him more than he's going to miss me.

We're spending the next two days snuggling.  I don't care what anyone says.

last week

One week from today, I go back to work & leave my baby boy in the care of someone else.  I am so sad about this but at the same time, so looking forward to getting back to having some adult conversations and some adult time.  I can't believe that it's already been 4 1/2 months since he was born.  The time I was able to spend at home has been priceless and I would never trade it for anything in the world.  Going back to work is going to be good for me.  It will make me a better mother by being able to better provide for him.  It's the mommy thing to do because he has already made me a better person.

Love my crazysillysquishy Evan monster ©

thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!  Yes, I realize this is a little late.  However, we went out of town & had stayed with MIL.  She does not believe in the internet.  The only way I had access was through my phone and updating through my phone was a nightmare for me.  We had a good holiday.  My poor baby was so upset during dinner because he was tired and scared of my LOUD ASS family.  Seriously.  Asian people don't know how to be quiet when they're in a group together.  We spent the majority of the night hunkered down in my cousin's room where it was quieter and he was able to get his bearings together before we joined them for the last couple hours before we left.

Overall, it was a good trip.  Despite the trauma that I feel we put Evan through, it was still good.  We got to spend some time with my baby brother, who is currently living in Japan.  We got to see my baby cousin, who is currently living on the other side of the U.S.  Lots of family time.  I have absolutely no idea when the next time would be for us to make a visit to LA again.  Definitely isn't going to be in the next couple months, I can tell you that much!

Last year, I thought I was sick.  Turns out, I was pregnant!  I remember vividly that my cousin had jokingly said to me, "Maybe you're not sick & getting over the flu.  Maybe you're pregnant."  I laughed at her.  On Black Friday, I took a pee test just for funsies to dispel any more pregnancy jokes.  Joke was definitely on me.  I was very, very pregnant.  At the time, I wasn't prepared to have a child.  I freaked out for a while until I went to the doctor and we heard his heartbeat for the first time.  It was absolutely magical.  Black Friday is now always going to now be the day that I found out I was pregnant with Evan.  He's the reason I'm thankful for every day that I have ©

four months

Happy four months to my Evan Monster!  I know every parent says it & I'm no exception -- it feels like yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital.  It feels like yesterday that I was pregnant with you & we saw you for the first time on the ultrasound.  The time has really flown by & I have to go back to work in less than a month.  Everyday that I get to wake up & see your smiling face is the day that I wake up feeling blessed.  I thank God for choosing me to be your mother.  My heart fills with so much joy just to see you happy.  I'm so excited to teach you things and experience the world through your discoveries.  Thank you for being everything that you are -- sweet, happy, playful, wonderfully weird, & the adjectives just go on & on.

Mommy & daddy love you baby ©

e is for evan

E is for Evan,
That's good enough for me.
E is for Evan,
That's good enough for me.
Oh, Evan, Evan, Evan's silly as can be.

E is for Evan,
That's good enough for me.
E is for Evan,
That's good enough for me.
Oh, Evan, Evan, Evan starts with E.

One day, as I was getting ready in the morning, I decided to put on the Toddler's Radio Station on Pandora. Cookie Monster's song came on (you know the one, C is for cookie ..) and the ingenious mommy thing kicked in and I've managed to make up a song for my baby.  Mommies are creative like that.  It's just how we roll.

My baby boy has his 4 month well check and vaccine appointment tomorrow.  When he had his 2 month shots, he took them like a champ.  The only thing that bothered him was the initial prick of each shot and then afterwards, nothing.  So proud of my little man!  But the day after the shots was a different story.  He was feeling so well and just wanted to cuddle.  Mommy didn't mind the cuddling just one bit.

Gosh, I can't believe he's going to be 4 months soon already!  Where has the time gone?!  I want my baby to stay tiny & little, forever & always :(

I always put him down straight and, no fail, he always kicks himself sideways.  It's strange to me.  But I like it.  I guess if he keeps on doing strange things, he can grow up.  But only a little.